Heart and Home

I feel as though I have been living in a state of limbo for most of this year, and that is why I have not done much blogging lately. My cottage has been on the market again since June, and although my first buyers pulled out a couple of weeks ago, in a stroke of luck a new buyer has come along and I am hopeful this time it will go through (fingers crossed). 

For a while now I have been restless (in my New Year post I wrote about needing change and that I was the only person who could make it happen). My shop will celebrate it's tenth anniversary in two weeks time, and although the experience of starting up and running my own business has been rewarding in so many ways, especially in the meeting of so many wonderful people who have walked through my shop door, the experience has also been challenging and draining. I need to break away for a while and assess what the future holds for me, and the first step I am taking is to sell my home.

On the 22nd of October I attended the evening wedding reception of one of my belly dancing friends, Sarah ( this is the heart I made for her and her husband to remember their special day), and it got me thinking about 'Home' and what it means. She and David have just bought their first home together. My little cottage has been my home for the past 12 years; my first home after leaving my parents and the house where I was brought up. 

So what will it be like to walk out of this front door knowing that I will never return? Well, I am quite philosophical about it really. Essentially I have lived alone here for the last 12 years. There are no memories of children running about the place for me to hold dear. Having two old buildings to constantly maintain has been a challenge and expense. The cottage is actually, now I realise, bigger than I really need it to be, so why pay a mortgage on this house when I could downsize to a smaller one? And, quite radically you may think, I am seriously considering not living in a house at all for the next year or so. My plan is to rent somewhere this winter, and then in the spring when the weather warms up, set off in a camper van and live on the road! 

I know that I am the kind of person who feels at home wherever I happen to be, and just because my home will be a mobile one will in no way make it less of a home to me. I am very excited at the prospect of breaking free from the responsibilities of mortgage and bills (although I will still have the responsibility of maintaining the shop). The other reason I feel the need to break free is in order to develop my own creativity, which has necessarily become somewhat stifled with the need to make things which are (hopefully) guaranteed to sell. My mind is buzzing with ideas all the time, but time is the one thing you don't get much of when running your own business. To not feel the pressure to constantly earn a living will be a luxury which will allow me to pursue those avenues I have been thinking about: going back to painting and drawing, creating more ambitious stitched pieces, photographing gardens and exploring this beautiful country of ours.

But before all that happens, I have the Vintage and Handmade Fair in Chipping Sodbury to think about! ( Saturday 3rd December ) So here's what I'm making at the moment.....

Decorations to hang made from an assortment of chandelier drops, glass beads and pearls, mother-of-pearl buttons, and vintage metal and diamante bits

Some of the drops have been backed with vintage fabric and old handwritten documents, and these are the tiny offcuts left over....

I have an idea to convert them into another sort of decoration, but that will have to wait for another posting......

I hope that you, my Blogger friends, haven't minded me sharing some quite personal thoughts in this posting; your support and friendship means a lot to me. Perhaps on my travels roaming the countryside I will be able to meet some of you in person! I hope so!

x x x

Neden Olmasın?

www.pastacanavari.com Flyer'ları

Biliyorummm biliyorumm yazmayı çok boşladım ama inanın haklı sebeplerim var sevgili okuyucularım. Para kazanmanın binbir yolunu arıyorum diyebiliriz aslında. Pasta Canavarı için binlerce Flyer bastırdım. Facebook reklamları ve kartvizitler vs vs vs. Ivır zıvır gözüken ama çok önemli işler marka bilinirliliği açısından. Dükkanın mutafağı çok küçük olduğundan Pasta bölümünü başka bir yere taşıdım. Aslına bakarsanız hala taşıyorum. Bayağı bir malzeme varmış! Hiç kullanmayacağım şeyler dahil. Sahi onları neden almıştım? :) Bir işe başlarken bilin bilmeyin, heyecandan, benim gibi, gereksiz de olsa bir sürü şey alıyorsunuz. En güzeli olsun ya! :) Bir gün işime yarar mutlaka diyip hoooppp kasada buluyorum kendimi. Neyse ki artık toptan alıyorum. :)) Bütün bunlar olurken evi yine taşıdık. Araba da değişti. 2012'ye toplu yepyeni başlayacağım desenize! :) Yeni başlangıçlar güzeldir. Bazen çok daha güzel gelir insana. Aynı zamanda Tango yapmaya devam ediyorum. Yoga'ya da başladım. Bir yandan da pasta siparişleri gırla! Şimdi size soruyorum, nasıl yazacağım yahu?! Asıl soru şu aslında, yazacak zamanım neden yok? İnsanın zamanını kendisinin yarattığını düşünüyorum. Aksini bana şimdiye kadar kimse kanıtlayamadı. Ahhh zamanım yoktu arayamadım?  0_o  Nası?!  Görüyorsunuz şu anda yazıyorum. Demek ki zaman yaratılıyormuş. Tembellik etmenin lüzumu yok! Zaman hiç ummadığımız kadar hızla akıp geçiyor. Dükkanı açtığım 7 ay olmuş bile. Pufffffff.. Kendime arayacak zaman yok sanmıştım fakat yaratmaya çalışıyorum inanın. Nerden nereye geldiğimi düşünürsek, kat ettiğim yol hiç de fena değil dostlar. Halimi görseniz, bakımsızlıktan ölücem sanırım. Tırnaklar, saç baş rezalet. Kuaföre gidecek zamanım bile yok, ki dükkanın hemen karşısında kuaför var. Gerisini hayal edin.  Zamana geçtikçe ışığımın söndüğünü düşünüyorum. Hatta dün akşam bayağı bir kafa patlattım bunun üstüne. Yıldızlara baktım. Sonra gülümsedim. Hayatımdaki çoğu insanın beni hayalperest olmakla itham ettiğini biliyor muydunuz? Yaaaaaaa... Ama ben gururla söylüyorum ki öyleyim! Bence bu bana verilmiş en güzel hediye! Hayatın tadına varmak! Peki kaç tane rasyonel insanın, benim gibi masalların gerçek olduğuna inanan bir insanın yaptıklarını yapabiliyor. Kim o kadar cesur?! Bana çocuk ruhlu diyorlar. Mükemmel! Umarım bunu hiçbir zaman kaybetmem.  Yoksa nasıl mucizelere inanacaktım ki? ve size bir sürü kanıt sunacaktım varolduklarına dair sevgili okuyucularım. Hiç içinizdeki çocuğu dinlediniz mi? Sabah kalkın ve sahip olduğunuz şeyler için şükredin. Mesela ben yapıyorum bunu. Küçüçük şeyler için bile şükrediyorum. Sonra sessizliği dinliyorum. Kendime ayırdığım harikulade bir zaman dilimi. Sadece ben.. İnsanlar hep konuşur. Ben neler duydum bir bilseniz. En büyük B noktam, ünlü bir pastacı olduğumda, önüme çıkan bütün engellere kahvemi yudumlarken bakıp sadece gülümsemek. İşte o anın keyfi hiçbir şeyde olmayacak. Ünlü olmak nasıl olacak bilmiyorum ama bir şekilde bir zaman olacak. Sabırsız mıyım? Off hem de nasıl! Gelin görün ki, bunca zaman zarfı içerisinde bütün bunları görmüşken, yıldıracak binbir şey olmuşken, dost zannettiklerim dost değilken, tek başıma çırpınırken buralara geldim sevgili okuyucularım. Şimdi size tekrar ve tekrar soruyorum; Neden olmasın?..

P.S: Bu zaman zarfı içerisinde bloglardan beni tanıyıp dükkanıma gelen müthiş insanlar için çok teşekkür ederim. Umarım herpiniz birer birer hayallerinize kavuşursunuz. Sadece gülümseyin ve hata yapmaktan korkmayın. Hata yapmadan hiçkimse başarılı olamaz!

Autumnal bliss

Yesterday after I'd closed up at the shop I went picking blackberries above Percuil River, and the hush of the evening was such perfection I wanted to commit it to memory forever.

Today I spent lazing on the beach, perfect blue sky and hot but not searing sunshine; listening to the sound of happy carefree children at play. I swam in the sea too but not for long, it was colder than a few months ago. 

Has anyone else got a plague of flies? I've just spent the last half-hour swotting and catching sixteen flies in my bedroom alone, all zipping round my lamp in that frenzied drugged state.... aarrggghhhhh!

Sorry to do a retrospective bit of blogging now, but a couple of weeks ago Angela and I found ourselves at the second annual Hat Festival in Bridport, Dorset.

 There were lots of street stalls, the weather was kind to us on the whole, and the atmosphere was very jovial. I think it was a great way to get the whole town involved; anyone could participate simply by wearing a hat!

 There were some weird and wonderful hats on show, but I think Angela should take the prize for being the most stylish - what do you think?

A very daring South American red felt trilby, and Angela carried it off with panache!

I love this great second-hand bookshop in Bridport, I never leave empty handed! 

Cheery-bye blogger friends! I look forward to reading what you have been doing in the sunshine this week x x x

Last Friday Angela and I decided to have a day out. It was typical Cornish weather - mizzly but warm - and I thought the perfect day to take the coast road between St. Ives and St. Just on the north Cornish coast. The mist was rolling off the hills and stoney outcrops, and the derelict engine houses loomed out of the whiteness, so atmospheric. Our first stop was Zennor, a tiny hamlet which has become famous for two reasons. During the war D.H.Lawrence and his German wife retreated here for peace and security. And have you heard of the legend of the Mermaid of Zennor?

Inside the ancient granite church dedicated to St. Senara is the 'Mermaid Chair', a simple wooden seat with the carving of a mermaid on one end, holding a mirror. 

Legend has it that a local lad heard strange and beautiful singing whilst attending service in the church, and so intoxicated was he by this otherworldly voice that one day he followed the sound down to the cove and walked down underneath the waves, for it was a mermaid who lured him to his death.

From the church we walked down the track leading to the cove, passing this farmyard with its ancient granite posts.

Spiky gorse, moss and ivy, typical of the granite walls in this part of wild Cornwall

So bleak, no trees; but the landscape has a raw beauty all of its own

Then the cove, quite a precipitous drop, and no beach at high tide

Angela is a textile addict like myself, and since I had my camera with me I asked if I could take some pictures round her home.

This is one of her oil paintings, a work in progress. Aren't the colours beautiful? It is definitely an interior, but I love the way everything remains in soft focus.

On her living room floor, about six work baskets overflowing with fabric snippets, including a lot of gorgeous vintage Liberty Tana lawn.

Upstairs on the landing, a veritable cascade of vintage clothing that Angela wears on a regular basis

This skirt has the most divine print and colouring

On her bedroom wardrobe doors hang yet more delicious vintageness; some of the clothes she made for her daughter when she was small

A Liberty lawn summer dress, very faded at the top,

and a knitted cardi with little stitched flowers and this divine Julie Arkell brooch pinned to the hem!

A raspberry red velvet bias-cut evening dress with petals decorating the neckline

Oh so glamorous!

And this wee jacket that Angela made for her baby daughter,

such a pretty fabric and quilted with a contrasting pinky-red stitch.

Going down the stairs, which I have done many times before, only this time I spot the little shelf 

with its little family of cuties! Just look at that darling velour elephant!

Thanks Angela, it's always a joy coming to your home x x x